Top 3 Reasons to Bring up Money This Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving! (or Black Friday Eve)
You may be reading this while watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, checking out the football game or watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Perhaps, you may be the one with apron donned trying to get 20 items prepped to be complete at the exact same moment and it feels like an episode of Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares than a peaceful holiday meal.
in any case, you are probably thinking about what things should we bring up in conversation this Thanksgiving with family and friends. Many are preparing for this eventuality - and not always in a good way. This is why I believe it is helpful to share with you the Top 3 Reasons to Bring Up Money This Thanksgiving.
Not Much Else Going On
Let’s face reality, there hasn’t been much going on. Corporations are doing their part to keep costs super low so we all can enjoy a fun and fruitful holiday season. Geopolitical tensions and conflicts have almost gone away. Religious differences have always mended fences. On top of all that - it has been about as quiet of a November in American politics as we have had in a really long time. All joking aside, there is much that divides us even within our own family systems. Like I said, many prepare ahead of time - and not in a good way. You prepare for debate or worse, battle. It is here that I point us to the wise words often spoken by my wife, an award winning therapist. “Do you want to fight to be right, or fight for a relationship.” Sadly, many of us chose to sacrifice our relationships in order to be right. Maybe, having a mindset that not much else is going on can free you from the temptation to talk about charged things and move to something easy like money.
It is their #1 Anxiety (and yours)
When I say to bring up money this Thanksgiving, I am wanting you to bring this topic up in your mind and put it at the forefront. Bringing up Gaza or Trump are generally not done so for the purpose of interpersonal empathy. I would be willing to bet money that empathy is not the aim of you or me when we seek to engage in these types of topics. Would bringing up something that causes empathy for self and for those you are with this Thanksgiving create a different space for engagement? It may not be a miracle cure but I think it can help. It can at least be helpful for you even if others go off the deep end. You don;’t have to. Why money? It is the number one anxiety of American’s across the board, across all demographics, income bands, political affiliations, religious backgrounds and any other sub-category you and your family can fit in. As the crazy uncle brings up that “thing” he always does, see if this thought helps.. “I know he is on his high horse about this thing but I know his main anxiety right now is money and this is just a deflection and defense.” As you look at your own self, money is probably at the top of and source of your anxiety. This is why “the economy” was the #1 things for voters this November and will be for every November here on out. At dinner today, the person across from you is worried about money. The person at the end of the table is worried about money. The person preparing your turkey is worried about money. I am worried about money.
We want to talk about it! (The Lost Power of Community)
A spirit of empathy can be a path forward for coming together rather than creating wedges - and get this - data shows we want to talk about money, we wish it was talked about in our families and we believe that working together financially would be more beneficial for all generations. But, we don’t. I am not saying that you should start in a few hours at the dinner table by asking your sibling about their budget, how are they doing at managing debt and if they have as much saved as you do. Empathy’s partner in this battle against financial anxiety is humility. Have you ever tried to argue with a truly humble person? Annoying! But humility works and allows a better paradigm for us to operate in rather than the narrative that we have earned all we have and this economy is all about me and mine. We have been trying the individualistic financial game that our system has offered us and it has only separated us, made us anxious and put us on a road to future poverty - socially and financially. Over the last few weeks I have thought about the power the following 5 words can have in the conversation we have about money. “I am worried about money.” It can be empathetic and humble. It can also be invitational to a new and better story around money that isn’t isolation and anxiety.
No doubt, with the November election, you may have already been given a preview of a possible Thanksgiving conversation ahead. Or, you believe this will just be a re-run of the same episode of previous Thanksgivings. I am thankful that we possess the powers of empathy and humility and believe they produce good fruit for us personally and for those around us. I also know that they are probably two of the most challenging powers to wield - especially in battle. But this Thanksgiving try bringing money to the discussion in the way outlined above to see if it helps.
This is something I hope we can bring to many places beyond the Thanksgiving dinner table.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving!
Jonathan